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"Caring for her Mother"
By Daniel J. Vance

Until recently, "Toni" was a reader of this column in a weekly newspaper south of the Mason-Dixon line. She now resides in southeastern South Carolina. For privacy and possibly security reasons, Toni decided not to identify herself.
Her 90-year-old mother, "Lourine," had a "mini" stroke a few months ago, has arthritis in her left hip, and has short-term memory issues.
"Forgetfulness probably isn't listed officially as a disability, but when you can't remember to take your medication and that leads to other health problems, it's certainly a form of disability," wrote 59-year-old Toni in an email. "My mother doesn't get around well, and has to rely on a cane around the house or a wheelchair when shopping. And she loves to shop."
In order to care for her aging mother, Toni and her husband had to make a number of tough decisions. For one, her husband is "back home" in another Southern state, she said. They decided that quitting their jobs would have been too risky for both of them to do simultaneously without having other good-paying jobs waiting in South Carolina. So, at least for now, they have to live separate lives.
She said, "I had to leave my husband (though we stay in close contact), and leave close friends, family members, pets, a well-paid position, and the home I love. But I would do it again in a heart beat."
She has great admiration for her mother, who Toni described as forgiving, fun-loving, and possessing the ability to laugh at herself. She also said her mother was generous to a fault at times, and loved her family immensely.
"(My mother) has been my anchor for long as I can remember," she said. "The thought of not having her around terrifies me. I'm not what people would call a 'mama's girl', but no longer having her with me in this life will definitely leave me feeling at loose ends."
As advice for people considering caring for an aging parent, she said, "Think long and hard about the sacrifices involved. It will take both emotional and physical strength, the ability to forgive yourself when your patience wears thin, and definitely a sense of humor. If you decide to do it, remember to take time for yourself, even if that means just going to another room and shutting the door."
Contact danieljvance.com [Blue Valley Sod and Palmer Bus Service grants make this column possible.]

Not Eligible for Expungement?  Executive Clemency May Be Option

Q.: I just learned that I cannot ask the court to seal my convictions because I have more than one. Do I have any other options?
A.: Yes. You may seek a pardon from the governor of the State of Ohio.
Q.: What is a pardon?
A.: A pardon is one type of executive clemency that the Governor of the State of Ohio has the power to grant. A pardon forgives your crime, and if granted, puts you in the same position as if the crime had never occurred. This means that you may answer "no" when asked if you have been convicted of a crime.
Q.: How do I apply for a pardon?
A.: You may obtain an application and instructions from the Department of Correction Web site: http://www.drc.state.oh.us/web/ExecClemency.htm , or by writing to the Ohio Parole Board, Clemency Section, 1050 Freeway Drive North, Columbus, Ohio 43229.  When completing your application, pay especially close attention to questions eleven and twelve. To answer question eleven, you should attach a separate letter to your application. The letter should explain the circumstances of your convictions and what you have done since your convictions to change your life. For question twelve, you should send as many letters of support as you can collect.
Q.: What happens after I return my completed application to the Ohio Parole Board?
A.: The Parole Board, which investigates all clemency cases for the governor, will conduct an investigation in your case.  Once it concludes its investigation, the Parole Board will make a recommendation to the governor either for or against the pardon.
Q.: Will I be contacted by the Parole Board during the investigation?
A.: Maybe.  The Parole Board makes its decision based upon your submitted application, or you may be contacted by someone who is investigating your application. You may be contacted by telephone or an investigator may come to your home to speak with you. You also may be scheduled for a hearing before the Parole Board. You should attend this hearing. 
Q.: Will anyone else be contacted as part of the investigation?
A.:  Yes. The Parole Board will contact the prosecuting attorney and judge who were involved in your case. The prosecuting attorney and judge will be asked if they believe you should be given a pardon. In addition, the victim of your crime may be contacted.
Q.: Will I be notified of the Parole Board's recommendation?
A.: No. After the Parole Board finishes its investigation, it will send a written recommendation to the governor. You will not be given a copy of the recommendation, but you will be notified by the governor if your pardon has been granted or denied.
Q.: How long will the process take once I have applied for a pardon? 
A.:  It will take at least six to eight months, and possibly longer.
Q.: What happens if the governor grants the pardon?
A.: If the governor grants you a full pardon, you will be sent a copy of the "warrant of pardon." A copy will also be filed with the court where you were convicted. The governor also may grant you a conditional pardon requiring you to do certain things before the pardon is granted. For example, you may be asked to pay any fines or costs that you still owe on the case.
Q.: Does the pardon automatically seal my convictions?
A.: No. You should take your "warrant of pardon" to the clerk's office of the court in which you were convicted and ask for your criminal record to be sealed.
Law You Can Use is a weekly consumer legal information column provided by the Ohio State Bar Association.  This article was prepared by attorney Joann Sahl of Community Legal Aid Services, Inc. in Akron.  Articles appearing in this column are intended to provide broad, general information about the law.  Before applying this information to a specific legal problem, readers are urged to seek the advice of a licensed attorney.

My oldest son, who will be 25 this year, works as a biologist at a certain high-profile governmental agency. If I told you which one, I'd have to kill you.
His job has always been a big mystery to me. I don't even know how to pronounce half the topics he talks about, much less converse with him about them in a semi-intelligent manner.
It must be very difficult for him to be surrounded by idiots. The only people who can hold an intelligent conversation with him about his work are those he works with.
I like to ask him, "So what are you doing at work lately?" just to see what he'll say. Sometimes, I'm almost sure he's making it up. Who could possibly use all those huge words on a daily basis without getting a cramp in their tongue?
Like any good mom, I really, truly want to know what he does at work. So, I have two choices. I can listen as intently as possible for a recognizable word or two to pass through his lips and patch them all together to come up with something that makes sense to me. Or I can wait till my eyes glaze over, and then embarrass myself by asking him to "run that by me again, in English, using very small words."
Knowing of my complete lack of aptitude for anything scientific, my son will sometimes censor himself without the necessity for me to embarrass myself. What a good son!
"What magnificent project are you working on this week, son?"
"I'm researching the same thing I was researching last time we talked, mom."
"You mean you're not done yet?"
"No, not yet."
"Well, son, if you don't hurry up and finish, your boss is going to fire you."
"Mom, it'll take years to research the effects of these substances on lab mice…and my boss is well aware of that fact."
"Lab mice? Why are mice getting all the attention? Why don't you research something that will help humans?"
That's when he gives me an exasperated look and starts speaking in a foreign language again.
"Well, we discombobulate the lab mice and take a corpustual reading for any signs of antidisestablishmentarianism, then…"
"Oh, just hit me with a two-by-four, will you? It'll be faster!"
He relents. "So are you going strawberry picking this year, mom?"
Ah, a subject I know! "Yes! As a matter of fact, the strawberries will be coming in early this year and they'll be sweeter. That means we don't have to add as much sugar. Too much sugar isn't good for us, you know. I've got a new recipe for shortbread that I just…"
…I watch as his eyes glaze over.