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"Caring for her Mother"
By Daniel J. Vance

Until recently, "Toni" was a reader of this column in a weekly newspaper south of the Mason-Dixon line. She now resides in southeastern South Carolina. For privacy and possibly security reasons, Toni decided not to identify herself.
Her 90-year-old mother, "Lourine," had a "mini" stroke a few months ago, has arthritis in her left hip, and has short-term memory issues.
"Forgetfulness probably isn't listed officially as a disability, but when you can't remember to take your medication and that leads to other health problems, it's certainly a form of disability," wrote 59-year-old Toni in an email. "My mother doesn't get around well, and has to rely on a cane around the house or a wheelchair when shopping. And she loves to shop."
In order to care for her aging mother, Toni and her husband had to make a number of tough decisions. For one, her husband is "back home" in another Southern state, she said. They decided that quitting their jobs would have been too risky for both of them to do simultaneously without having other good-paying jobs waiting in South Carolina. So, at least for now, they have to live separate lives.
She said, "I had to leave my husband (though we stay in close contact), and leave close friends, family members, pets, a well-paid position, and the home I love. But I would do it again in a heart beat."
She has great admiration for her mother, who Toni described as forgiving, fun-loving, and possessing the ability to laugh at herself. She also said her mother was generous to a fault at times, and loved her family immensely.
"(My mother) has been my anchor for long as I can remember," she said. "The thought of not having her around terrifies me. I'm not what people would call a 'mama's girl', but no longer having her with me in this life will definitely leave me feeling at loose ends."
As advice for people considering caring for an aging parent, she said, "Think long and hard about the sacrifices involved. It will take both emotional and physical strength, the ability to forgive yourself when your patience wears thin, and definitely a sense of humor. If you decide to do it, remember to take time for yourself, even if that means just going to another room and shutting the door."
Contact danieljvance.com [Blue Valley Sod and Palmer Bus Service grants make this column possible.]

Uniform Mediation Act
Affects Dispute Resolution

Q.: What is the Uniform Mediation Act?
A.: Ohio's Uniform Mediation Act (UMA), which became effective in 2005, affects many types of mediation and is designed to provide for a uniform set of legal rules regarding mediation practices from state to state. The UMA can be found in chapter 2710 of the Ohio Revised Code, sections 2701.01 to 2710.10.
Q.: Why should I be concerned about the UMA?
A.: Mediation is being used more and more, both in and out of Ohio's courts, and it is likely that even more disputes and cases will be mediated in the future. Knowing how the UMA affects mediation will be increasingly important for those who are participating in mediation.
Q.: What types of mediation are covered by the UMA?
A.: The UMA defines mediation broadly as any process where a third party neutral helps the disputing parties negotiate better. What is not covered by the UMA are collective bargaining in the labor field, school peer mediations, labor dispute mediations, court settlement conferences conducted by a judicial officer (judge or magistrate) who might make a ruling in the case, or mediations in a correctional institution for youths.
Q.: Who can be a mediator under the UMA?
A.: As defined in the UMA, a mediator is anyone who conducts a mediation. A mediator does not have to have special credentials or a license, but a mediator must be impartial.
Q.: In essence, what does the UMA do?
A.: The primary purpose of the UMA is to protect the private and confidential nature of discussions before, during, and after a mediation. This is important because, when people don't talk openly with the mediator and each other, the chances of a successful settlement drop. The UMA protects the privacy of the mediation discussions, and thus helps everyone reach a mutually beneficial resolution.
Q.: How does the UMA protect the privacy of talks in a mediation?
A.: The UMA creates a legal privilege for "mediation communication" (any statement made before, during, or after a mediation). A "privilege" is the legal ability of one person to block another person's testimony from being introduced in a later court proceeding. The mediator, all parties, and any other people present at the mediation (such as attorneys) have a privilege in varying degrees under the UMA to stop other people from revealing what was said at a mediation.
Q.: Can a person give up the protection of the UMA?
A.: Yes, a person can waive or give up his or her mediation privilege.   It is important to remember, however, that all parties to a mediation are protected by the UMA.  Even if all but one party involved in the mediation have given up the privilege, that one party still may choose to use the privilege to block certain testimony.
Q.: Is everything said in a mediation protected by the legal privilege in the UMA?
A.: No, certain topics or types of statements are legally excluded.  For example, discussion regarding abuse of children or the elderly, crimes or threats of violence, and materials subject to public records laws, and signed settlement agreements are not protected from disclosure by the legal privilege provided under the UMA.
Also, the UMA does not stop or limit communications outside of court to third parties. If someone is concerned about protecting personal information or trade secrets, for instance, the parties can enter into a confidentiality agreement before a mediation starts.
Q.: What can a mediator tell a judge if the case is in court?
A.: A mediator cannot tell a judge much at all. The UMA limits a mediator to telling a judge  the following: whether or not the mediation occurred, who attended, and whether or not the case was settled. Beyond those points, a mediator cannot report, analyze, evaluate, or make findings or recommendations to a court or judge.
Q.: Does a mediator have any obligations under the UMA?
A.: Yes. A mediator must look into and reveal any potential conflicts of interest that might affect his or her impartiality, and, if asked, must disclose his or her qualifications as a mediator.
Q.: Where can I learn more about the UMA?
A.: The Internet has many resources on the UMA in Ohio. You can read the full text of the UMA at http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/2710. The Ohio Commission on Dispute Resolution and Conflict Management has material on the UMA at http://disputeresolution.ohio.gov/cc/confidentialitystatute.htm. The Ohio Supreme Court has information on the UMA at http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/dispute_resolution/resources/uma/default.asp. 

Laura on Life

Watching the wildlife in my backyard has always amused me. No, I'm not talking about my children this time. When my children are not in it, my backyard teems with all kinds of animals. All of them seem to have only two things on their minds: Food and procreation. Ah, nature!
The birds are beautiful creatures. They come to my backyard in all different colors and sizes united with the express desire to empty my bird feeder. They also have two common enemies: Those wily squirrels, whose first and last thoughts are how to get at that birdseed, and my cat, whose intentions are a bit more ambitious than the squirrels'.
I went into a specialty store the other day where they had set up a demonstration of a birdfeeder that was "squirrel-proof". The perch, where the birds were supposed to light, was spring-loaded. When something heavier than a bird sits on it, the perch spins around like the inside of a blender on Cinco de Mayo. The unlucky squirrel who was attempting to steal the birdseed would first learn the definition of the word G-Force as he hangs on for dear life, and then he would go sailing through the air fervently wishing that he, too, had wings. Then, like a teenager who lost his lunch after riding the roller coaster, he's back up there, again.
We once had a family of raccoons who figured out how to lift the lid off our trash cans. They'd eat until they were full and then they'd put the lid back on and leave! I wanted to interview their mother to find out how she got them to put something back where they found it. Parents everywhere would trade their minivan for that information!
There are a couple of ducks that I watch now and then. Just before they um…contribute to the continuation of their species, they have a courting ritual of bobbing their heads up and down. You can imagine them thinking: "Do ya wanna", "Yeah"… "Do ya wanna", "Yeah"…"Do ya wanna", "Yeah"… and then he makes his move. He nearly drowns that female while he does his thing, then sits high in the water and flaps his wings like he's crowing. The female just ducks under the water and shakes herself clean. It's embarrassing! Have they no shame?
We had an opossum that would wander over every night and eat our cat's food. Our cat, amazingly, would just sit there and watch it eat her food. Well, I sat that cat down for a long talk. I told her, "If you don't want to watch the birdfeeder all day waiting for a meal to fly into your mouth, then you'll have to start defending your food bowl." She told me in her meowy way that she didn't like the food in her bowl. I said, "What, it's good enough for the opossum, but it's not good enough for you?"
You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her books.